3rd of the 3rd month this year.
I have a slight on and off cold thats lasted for about 3 weeks. Too many late nights, unhealthy eating, drinking, and deprivation of fresh air.
One more week of being lazy and relaxing, and getting better.
I HAVE to get my head back into the game, work twice as hard as I did last year.

"You have a year off of uni and school, fucking use it"

-I need to update resume
-I need to get a website
-I need to sign up to at2 and showcast
-I need to make youtube and get it running
-I need to go to the cafe in aspendale, and other local cafes for GIGS
-I need to make a showreel
-I need to sign up to unpaid work website
-I need to start running and yoga again
-I need to start dance classes
-I need to go to theatre regulary, and films
-I need to be driving
-I need to find my love for novels and rich texts again

Once this cold is over- I need to stop watching people and be the proactive person I am.
Now no excuses.

I am not going to let myself get to a point where I am watching everyone else around me moving forward whilst im this couch potato doing nothing. I hate feeling lazy. And I'm scared of turning out like some loser. Whilst everyone else is off getting their degrees, or has one.

And wow. I am so in love with you. I could marry you and have your babies.
I am so scared of the pain I would feel if anything ever happened....


I feel it already. It seems like my whole world is revolved around you, and I've stopped still. Right now your doing things you have to do, that you want to do. And I'm lying in bed thinking about you.
I need to take care of myself also.
You can relax, you have a degree. But I need to get moving.
I need structure.

I need to love myself, to feel good about loving you.



And you going away will kill me. But it is needed, I need to work hard this year- especially during winter.

ps- im 18 now. Real world. Its marked a transition, and I guess this epiphany. Being 17 was amazing, I had an incredible year and proved it was possible. But now its time to stop living in the acheivements and beautiful past and make this year even fucking better than lastyear.
Also 2011- "shape your life 24/7"